The Unravelling: Embracing Healing and Self-Discovery

As I look back, the evidence of my growth is undeniable. What once seemed like silly tasks, staying true to my word, choosing myself first, and honoring my needs. Led me to this profound moment of unravelling. Let’s break this down for a moment.

At the core of my journey lies a deep childhood wound: abandonment. To heal this wound, I had to learn how to lean into my intuition and prioritise myself. Initially, this felt uncomfortable, tedious, and sometimes downright scary. But in those small moments, I discovered the power of pause. 

For instance, when I thought about grabbing a drink of water between chores, I actually stopped doing it. Listening to my body and honouring that instinct, rather than just going with what seemed convenient, became a vital practice. Practise the pause.

I invested time and money into courses and goals that equipped me with tools to create my own path, even when that meant not always being a present mother for a time. I owned my sexuality, my desires, my chaos, and my mess. Each of these small steps taught me to honor myself, ultimately preparing me for deeper exploration, even when it felt terrifying.

Trusting myself was crucial. I created a supportive village of women who could hold space for me when I struggled to hold myself. It became essential to lean into reflection rather than sitting in the projection.

Awareness - asking for what you want and being open to receiving, became my guiding principle. It’s about staying present in the moment instead of adhering to societal standards. I found the courage to question everything: Who established these rules? Who said that? Whose voice echoes in my mind? How can I honor myself first so I can respond rather than react?

During the beginning I found myself asking: Why aren’t you messaging me good morning every day? Why aren’t you obsessed with me? Why won’t you melt into my body and give into our natural urges?

These questions triggered me, revealing deeper feelings and stories playing out in my mind due to a lack of attention.

What I needed was someone stubborn and integrated enough to hold the space for me to explore boundaries, to put down my shield, to allow my inner child to express her insecurities.

Societal norms can be suffocating.

Who decided these are the only frameworks for a successful relationship? I realised these weren’t my true beliefs. Yes, those insecurities were mine: feelings of unworthiness, not being pretty enough, being too much, too needy, too avoidant, destructive, or self-sabotaging.

So, what did I truly need? What did I want? More importantly, how can I provide that for myself?

Nobody can abandon me but me. No one has the power to hurt me unless I give them that power. How can I feel abandoned when I always have myself?

With all these stories swirling in my mind, I was faced with a choice: I could project my fears onto others, or I could choose to respond with awareness and compassion.