From Seductress to Contender: Embracing Your Deepest Desires

The Contender is a person striving to achieve something extraordinary. This journey is about evolving from a state of allure into one of deep devotion and commitment to yourself and your desires.

In June 2023, I found myself reflecting on a mantra that shifted my perspective: "Work harder, not smarter." This phrase guided me as I began a conversation with the universe. It had been years since I had been in an actual relationship, and I was wondering whether the time had come - whether I was ready to receive the one thing I had ignored until now: a relationship.

First, let me clarify: this wasn’t about crafting a long wish list filled with specifics like age or looks. Instead, it was about opening my heart to what I truly wanted: “I want someone I haven’t met before. I’m ready to embrace my deepest desire of being looked after and being chosen.” Ugh, admitting that.

I spent the first six months of 2023 playing with ideas, people, opportunities, and creating stories and memories so I could understand what I didn’t want. It was also about being brave enough to explore the taboo offerings, having fun in the “you know this isn’t for you” situations, and being honored enough to say yes.

You see, the directive of the unconscious mind is to support whatever we believe our current reality to be. I believed I was abundant, happy, sexy and untamed, powerful and gentle. I deserved to be honored and to feel pleasure in everything; yet, the shadow side of this was the fear of not being loved or loving others.

Being loved by someone meant I had to trust; trust myself first that all my work, my healing, my journey had been for something. I needed to trust that I wouldn’t lose myself and that I’d get it right this time. When I can trust that, I can trust others and feel safe in their energy. My inner child could finally feel safe.

So then it begins. The universe listened, little did I know.

The slow awakening of being served your deepest desire isn’t always a dish best served warm. It isn’t always sweet; it’s an acquired flavor. To fully ignite all your senses, it’s a dish worth savoring.

Confronting my abandonment issues felt daunting, even after all the coaching and therapy I had received. I had made peace with my past, taken the lessons, and understood my patterns, but I hadn’t yet practiced this in real time. Trusting myself, let alone someone else, seemed like a big challenge.

Practicing what you preach and showing up for yourself first? Ugh, hello old patterns. Witnessing how life reflects back at you, asking yourself, how did I create this and for what purpose? Can I actually receive what I asked for?

As I navigated this path, I discovered that it was bittersweet, exciting, delicious, and nerve-wracking.

When we finally met, I felt an undeniable connection, even amidst my reservations. The universe knew exactly what I needed, a masculine presence that resonated with my feminine essence. I felt you, your energy. The universe knew this was something I would recognize first: the willingness to explore the space where logic is quieted by intuition. The soft yet firm steps of reassurance as you checked in week after week. The childlike wonder and curiosity of the worlds we explored as we spoke in languages guided by wu wei and bathed in nature.

Despite my doubts, I felt a deep knowing that, although this journey was sometimes challenging, he was exactly the person for me. The universe often gifts us what we need rather than what we think we want. Our desires can be clouded by the stories we tell ourselves, shaped by trauma and societal expectations. I needed him to be both stubborn and soft, caring yet guarded, able to hold space for our connection while allowing us both to grow as individuals.

In the details of reading the unspoken and asking questions that held the frame, I found myself unraveling. May the odds forever be in our favor as we let the games begin.